July 14, 2015 Calling In The Light

This is for the ones I love who are now struggling with something big, scary and life-threatening.
I know I'm not alone here: you have these people in your life today, and perhaps you, too, are one of them.

How often do we face fears because it is our only choice?

If we try to bury our heads in the darkness to hide from what is, the Fear will seep in, bringing its own darkness, and with it, panic. And then The Fear owns us.

Today I am grateful to hold the hand of the One who knows. And to ask Him to be by my side, no matter what is to come. I only have to live one day at a time, one moment in the toughest time. It's all I've got. Try it. It works.

“Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you.” Parker Palmer

Today please remember there is always a light within you, the light of connection to your Higher Power, Creator, the Universe. Whatever you are comfortable with is your Light Keeper. Your brilliant illumination began before you were here. There is no switch to turn it off. We are never alone, even in the scariest times, when we feel so tiny a fragile, and in fear.

I Am Grateful for this Reassurance. 

The Lord's Pallette ©2015 jillevaile

Sometimes I get to dig out all my emotionally attached memories and examine those I keep and those I might discard. There's a healthy distribution of happy, and sad, glorious and life-changing. It's like a giant toy box of my life. If I'm lucky, old, creaky happy things come to the fore, shimmering with dust motes and shiny smiles, even tears, that were at the very bottom of the box.

 These are all the Gifts. 

They buoy me in the troubled times, and bathe me in white light in the most fearsome moments.
I can retreat to these joys when I must submit myself to situations where I am not in control of what is happening to my body, or when saying goodbye is just too much. 

And the truth is, I've made it through every single situation, with immeasurable Gratitude and Faith. And so will you.

Breathe Deeply, Call in your Light. And Have Faith.

I love you, 
Jill

July 13, 2015 I Am The Prize

I am up and out this morning in the tail end of night, when the dark sky debates the coming day.
The tiniest sliver of moon is illuminated by the sparkle of Venus, (or is it Mercury right now?) and the wispy clouds are in shades of inky grey, and smoky silver.

I love this time of quiet, it's almost reverent. The cool air kisses my cheeks, and the world is full of peace and possibilities.

This is the time that words fill my thoughts; they quiver as if at a precipice to be written and shared. I get an image of the Lemmings, throwing themselves off cliffs (even though that is really a Disney fantasy) as words pool in my mind, working their way to my fingertips, to be put to paper, or keyboard. (Paper just sounds so much more permanent, does it not?)

My day of endless possibilities begins, and I share it with you...

I'm grateful for focus and flexibility, two words that seem unusual together, but work just fine for me this morning. I can focus on more than one thing at a time, and prioritize, and even when the priorities shift and shuffle, like cards in a deck, I can have the forward motion of progress. Today I am working on a structured schedule. I've had one loosely for some time, but my deadlines are self-imposed and I am a hard taskmaster on myself.  I am determined to meet, and exceed them.

Today I seek to achieve tangible goals: this is something I've had trouble with for a long time.
I set short term and long term, and have burned them into the calendar in my head.
Goals mean Results for me. I am putting on the blinders that keep me looking directly at what I'm doing.

For years I have been distracted by others, their needs, their drama, to the point of losing sight of myself. Recognizing my own value allows me to surrender the refraction, and reach for my "single lens" eyes to the prize.

I am grateful.

Moon Over Capitola, CA ©2015jillevaile

Today I am Grateful to believe my work is the Prize, 

and thus, by extension, I Am the Prize

"Keep the focus on myself."  Sometimes I feel that is an analogy to my camera. I've made more than one photographic references today. I am grateful for whatever it takes.

Start the day with reflection and service, end with benefaction.

Enjoy every moment, one at a time.


“If I must be faithful to someone or something, I have, first of all, have to be faithful to myself.” 
~ Paul Coehlo

Much love always,

Jill

July 12, 2015 Getting Really Real

For many years now I've been a "part of" a Women's Circle. We meet monthly, do our rituals, and share yummy food and loving company. Through the years Circle has gone through many members and changes, but the basic premise remains: it is a safe place to share among loving women who respect one another and the Process, and who feel a connection to a Higher Power.

Our Circle, now named Women of the Sacred Scar, embodies our connection to Mother Earth and our processes keep us in that spiritual place.

I'm grateful today for our core group that remains, despite changes. And for the lessons I've learned, and imbued, that bring me peace and serenity. I find myself compelled, to speak what is in my heart, words and feelings that may never have been spoken out loud before. 

I'm grateful for the evolution in me, that allows me to feel Love and Trust and Faith with a group of women. This was not always the case. This is a result of a lot of work. I allow myself to open in ways that have been locked up tight since childhood. I can share and explore feelings and thoughts that were once the epitome of Secrets, marked clearly, "Don't Tell". 

For a moment I just wondered what would happen once all the barriers were down, and then I realized that as long as I draw breath, these would continue to evolve. Nothing worth treasuring comes without work.

Today I am so grateful to follow the path that brings me to where I am supposed to be. Again, no coincidence, and for sure no regrets. I am honored to be a grown up, have my heart filled by my loved ones, and by my HP as He speaks through them.

Today I am in the Present, right where my feet are, and I can remind myself as many times as it takes that these moments are irreplaceable and best not wasted on what might be, or what could have been. 

The Beat of My Heart is the Clock of Now

I am grateful for this awareness and the joy it brings me.

I hosted Circle today, and as Emma read me

A Fly Went By by Dr. Suess I caught myself drifting to my mental list of what I had to do in preparation. More than once I pulled back into the moment, reminding myself that this will never happen again in just this way, and that

G-d's plan was for me to hear this child read to me.  I knew the exact amount of time would be there for me to get things ready, but that this story, and my beautiful granddaughter, were more important than any amount of clean up or table setting.

My Higher Power does not need Monumental examples for me to receive the message

I am Open and Willing and I am grateful for the blessings that abound when I am in tune and in touch. I am grateful for the multitude of changes I have welcomed that make me more spiritual and receptive. And for an increasingly clear vision of what I still need to work on to progress in the way I want and need to.

What is blocking your joy today? 

Can you change your way of looking at that, and make things happen?

“For some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you. Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.”~ Annie Lamott

I love you,

Jill 

It Takes What It Takes....

Life Begins at the Edge

©2015jillevaile all rights reserved

The Edge...of 

Your Comfort Zone?

Your Limits?

Your Mind?

Your Boundaries?

You Tolerance?

Your Ego?

Your Pride?

How Far Will You Go

For Serenity?

Tolerance of the Spirit

I am blessed this day to feel abundance and peace. It begins when I step outside, breathe deep of the dawn, and feel my balance. Just for today, life is not about how much, and you. It is about the splendor my Creator puts forth, and my choice to immerse myself in all of it. There's a hint of the coming heat of the day, and I do my part to ensure my plants and fish are cared for, and then me.
I like what responsibility means to me today. I care for what is in my ten acres, and myself.
The rest is up to you.

I am grateful.

I am best in early morning, after rest, when pain is at its least. I am grateful I embrace the joy of living, and my body, the magnificent container that is home to my soul. And so I make the most of what I am and have, and feel grace in my life.

I am not apart from, but an integral part OF. 

And all it takes is the choice. It didn't happen over last night, but over hundreds of nights. And I continue my journey. My destiny may be predetermined, but my choices remain my own.
Today I work on tolerance, of mind and spirit, a pathway to acceptance, and the calming of my mind.
 No longer do I feel the constant whirling of the hamster wheel in my mind, and I am better prepared to confront it when it does set to spin. I'm grateful.

Today I have hope. I have tools. I have love, and I have life.

And gratitude.

“Within Siddhartha there slowly grew and ripened the knowledge of what wisdom really was and the goal of his long seeking. It was nothing but a preparation of the soul, a capacity, a secret art of thinking, feeling and breathing thoughts of unity at every moment of life.”
― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

I love you.

Have a beautiful day.
Jill

I'm Only Here Because of G-d....

I'm Only Here Right Now Because of G-d.....

Not long ago I had emergency surgery, and from the moment just before it began, I felt myself being gently lifted and held, and carried. And the voice spoke gently and surely into me and said, "I've got you." 

It was not anything I ever heard or conceived of. I was held by arms so strong and gentle and I have never felt more safe in my entire life. I had no fear whatsoever.

And as the surgeon worked to save my life, I was far from the OR, and in a place with G-d, or maybe my angel. I cannot say for sure. But we were elsewhere, there is no doubt. I felt strong and soft hands rubbing my arms and shoulders, reassuring me the whole time, and that voice I shall never forget, that kept saying, 

"I've got you. Don't worry."

I never worried. No matter the outcome, which I knew was not in my control, I knew I was safe, and loved, and would be where I was supposed to be if I awoke in this world or not. I felt we were in a holding place, not in heaven, not on earth. It seemed decisions were being made, but all the while I was cocooned in love and warmth. This seemed to go on for a long time.

My surgery lasted over 4 hours....

When I did wake up in recovery, I immediately told my son where I had been. I guess given the nature of the emergency and the stress surrounding the waiting and worry, it was hard for him to accept. But I have never wavered one bit on what transpired during those hours. 

I even asked the surgeon if it could have been the anaesthesiologist, and he absolutely assured me no one was touching my arms or shoulders, and the medicine had all been given to me in my iv.

I am a changed person because of this. Nothing bothers me. I have total faith in my Creator. I take nothing for granted. I was always very spiritual, but G-d is everything, and gratitude means more to me than ever.

I do not know why I was returned here to continue living, but I believe it will be revealed to me, whether through an opportunity to be of service, or my continued service I do, or just being a loving, kind hearted person. Or maybe something entirely different.

I do know my heart is willing and open. And life is so precious.

Life , and all that means, Shows up....

There are smudges on the twilight sky tonight, like charcoal streaks across a darkening background, and they are appropriate.
Because there has been a lot of wreckage of late, and I've done a lot of hand holding as the processing takes place. And it feels like charcoal tears streaking down the cheeks of those I love. I'm grateful for the capacity G-d has blessed me with that gives me the gift to listen and hold and keep and offer love and support. It is coming up a lot right now in many areas of my life and it feels right. I'm at a place of acceptance with my mother too. And I feel my own prayers answered in that acceptance and loving compassion, and I am beyond grateful that I can allow others in again and not just be alone in my heart.

I'm feeling a lot more calm. I'm feeling a lot less panic.

  And I know this is the presence of G-d because I have asked for that strength and support and I am never alone because of that.
 And the gifts I have been given rise again to the fore and distract me from the spinning thoughts. I am very grateful.
 I read an interesting piece about how, after we die, we are asked by our angels, our "true name". This is not the name we were given in this life, but the name that tells our purpose in this life, the reason we were here. And how it might roll right off our tongue, and if not, it will be what we are sent back again to learn once more until we get it, in our next life. It was interesting to me because I didn't know that Jews believed in angels, but also because of the reincarnation aspect. And then because I've always had a very deep-seated notion of some lesson I've been sent here to learn. It really resonated with me. I'm grateful today for calm in my home, peace in my heart and love. It's really what I've sought my whole life and now I truly have it. And grateful for all of you.